44, Masters

“Being a spy is the second oldest profession known to man, and ironically, it’s less reputable than the oldest.”  Master Thief Owens picked some gunk out of his ear and examined it.  “It’s an old joke, but it’s true.”

Fellow Master Thief Anastasia Boothausen surfed on a smart phone mindlessly and replied without emotion.  “That’s funny.”

“People hate spies, Ana, for real.”

“I wonder why that is?”

Owens enjoyed the view as he shrugged.  “I’ve heard it said that it’s more honorable to sell your body than it is to sell your soul.”

Boothausen looked up casually from her hand held screen.  “If you sell your body, the man wins.  If you steal his secrets, he loses.”  She went back to surfing.  “It’s a man’s world, Owens.  We women just have to figure out how to navigate it.”

“Hmmm, I never thought about it that way.”  He knew at some level, she was right.

“Do you like being a spy?”  Boothausen asked.

“From an ego stand point, I could care about being a secret agent, but I fucking love working with our team.  We’ve put a lot of bad people in the ground and behind bars.  That’s all I want to do when I’m not fishing or hunting.”

“A spy with a conscious.  You’d make a good movie character.”

“Says the girl who single handedly found the location of our friends back at the most remote Siberian prison on Earth in less than ten minutes.”  Owens flicked the ear gunk into the wind.  “I’d be boring in a movie compared to you.”

The compliment made Boothausen feel great, but the agents chatted as calmly as if they were discussing fair weather.  They sat alone with their legs dangling over the side of the roof of a three story apartment building.  Northern Japan was cold this time of year and the sky threatened that it might dump water on them, either liquid or possibly frozen flakes.  Neither agent seemed concerned about a thing.

Owens changed the subject.  “Have you ever considered newspapers as a form of mind control?”

Boothausen considered the question for half a second.  “Nope.”  She looked up from her phone again to try and be more engaged in the chat as she slipped it in her pocket.

“Me neither, but it makes me wonder why some people consider that a real thing.  Doc gets really upset with mainstream news.  He calls it corporate news since it’s just bullshit that corporations are spewing to keep us afraid and angry.”  Owens thought of his friend Dale O’Connor and couldn’t help but laugh.  “Doc always says that people conspire behind closed doors, but he swears he’s not a believer in conspiracy theories.”

“Doc believes there are alien space ships that crashed in Arizona.”

Owens corrected her.  “I think it’s New Mexico and Nevada respectively.”

Without batting an eye, Boothausen nodded and continued.  “That’s not conspiracy theory bullshit?”

“He’s convinced of it and I go along with it when he’s talking about it, but I’m skeptical.  I don’t care about that shit to be honest.  I care more about killing the bad guys who are conspiring to hurt good people.”

Boothausen had a libertarian streak that boiled in her without knowing it.  “Well with some of the shit I’ve seen, I can verify that people do in fact conspire behind closed doors.  The scary part is when they conspire right out in front of the American public but nobody does anything about it.”

Owens nodded as if they were students of astrophysics trying to grasp large interplanetary concepts.  “I’m trying to see the trees more instead of just gawking at the forest, you know?”

“No, I have no clue what in the fuck you’re talking about.”  Boothausen really took in the view.  The small Japanese city was well planned and very clean.  The architecture was pleasant and she found herself smiling at the metropolitan beauty.  “I know that I’m gonna have to find a bathroom soon though.”  She giggled, “I shouldn’t have had so much green tea at lunch.”

“How can you even drink that shit?  It tastes like a swamp took a warm piss and served it as tea.”

“Did you just call green tea warm swamp piss?  Did you really just say that?”  Boothausen feigned insult but played along.

“Yeah, I guess I did.  I can’t remember if Mickey calls it swamp piss or if I picked that up from someone else.”  He considered the term for a few moments.  “It’s bang on the money, if you ask me.  Green tea is awful.”

Boothausen wanted to object, but she shrugged.  “Yeah, I guess some people could consider that.  I started drinking it when my weight got out of control.  It helps suppress appetite, apparently.”  

“Really?  Hmmm.”  Owens reached into his pocket and pulled out a ziplock bag of dried deer meat.  He ripped off a small chunk of jerky and nibbled on it gleefully as he spoke with a tiny bit of food in his mouth.  “You ate a full lunch back there and still drank two pots of green tea, so weight clearly isn’t an issue for you.”

“No, not anymore, but I was two pounds overweight for a few weeks last year and it was really fucking with me.”  

To the majority of insecure people in the western world a comment like this would be construed as extreme vanity.  To a Master Thief, this was simply part of the job.  The reality to stay skinny, lean, flexible, and learn how to control every part of one’s body from breathing and heartbeat to being able to sleep or wake up instantly was everything.  Normal people were sheep.  The Masters were like wolves who could sneak in and out of the flock without the flock ever having known they were there.  Boothausen and Owens both considered themselves sheep dogs who hunted the wolves.  They were protectors.

The sky tried to drizzle but the air was too cold.  Fog started to descend on the town.  Owens didn’t show any concern in the slightest.  He extended the bag of dried meat to his friend.  “Biltong?”

“Excuse me?” Boothausen said confusedly.

“Biltong.  It’s like jerky, but way better.”  Owens saw her confusion and tried to elaborate.  “It’s game meat that’s cured with apple cider vinegar and lots of seasonings and salt.  It’s a South African thing.  Ever since I learned how to make it I can’t get enough of this shit.”

Boothausen politely declined.  “I told you, I have to piss soon.  I ate too much at lunch.”

“Oh yeah.”  Owens pulled out another piece of the yummy meat candy and took another big nibble.  “Have you thought about what you wanna do next?” he asked.

“I’ve got to finish a few things at Langley with Mulroony, then…” she paused and looked at Owens with an intense look.  “I think I wanna figure out how to spring The Captured.”

To any non thief, this sentence would be incoherent.  To Owens, he understood the implications at a deep level.  “All of them?”

“Yeah, if it’s possible.”

“Well of course it’s possible, but dang Ana.  You’re flirting with fire.”

“I know.”  She paused, then added, “I’m serious.”  Her intense eyes dug into Owens but he never looked away.  “And I’ll need your help.”

“Jesus, sister.”  Owens exhaled through his lips.  He knew deep down that he couldn’t change her mind.  He also knew, she might be the only person on the planet who could pull it off.

There were only a dozen or so people in the world with the necessary abilities and skills to be known as Master Thief.  Nine of them were in jail and one was presumed to be dead.  Interpol and the FBI had worked with other government agencies in a series of traps to arrest and incarcerate these Masters in an event that the thief community called The Great Roundup.  The thieves who got caught were referred to as The Captured.  Anastasia Boothausen was foolish enough to think that she could break these people out of the maximum security facilities they were now imprisoned in.

“Look at what we just did together, Owens.  We snuck into a Siberian prison and broke out our teammates like we were ordering fast food.”

“Yeah, but that prison was shit and you know it.”  Owens spoke logically but became more impassioned.  “They didn’t have cameras or motion detectors in their perimeter.  Hell, even the outside walls didn’t have cameras.”

“No one has ever broken into or out of that prison until we did it last week.  Ever.  We were the first and possibly the last.”

Owens interjected, “That we know of, Ana!  The Russians are sneaky fucks and if someone escaped that prison, they wouldn’t go around announcing it to the world.”

“You’re right,” Ana said but she didn’t concede.  “They wouldn’t tell anyone, but you know they’d act right away after the fact.  They’d put in cameras and motion detectors everywhere so an escape would never happen again because they’re prideful assholes.  Yet there we were, jumping over concrete walls and stealing a damn jet right under their noses.”  She gave Owens a few moments to let it sink in.  “Be real with me, do you think their government is ever going to let that happen at that prison again?  Or any other prison, for that matter?”

When the agents had left the prison, they’d knocked out all power and released every prisoner.  There was no news about the aftermath, but neither agent was naive enough to think that the shit storm that followed was peaceful on any level.

“We won’t hear anything from their state run media, and I’m betting the private media doesn’t have enough connections deep enough in the state run apparatus to get any intel from our breakout.  Hmmm…”  Owens considered Boothausen’s words.  “Yeah, you’re right, Ana.  They’ll go over the top to take precautions that something like that never happens again.”

“Damn straight.  And obviously you know that the Master known as Comrade is still in Minsk.”

“Last I checked in, yeah.”  

“My sources say he’s bored to tears and going grey by the day, but he’s still in perfect condition.”  She smiled with defiance.  “You can trap us but you can’t keep us down.”

Owens did the mental math.  Nine Masters were behind bars in six different countries.  If a breakout of all nine prisoners was ever going to happen, it would be the most massive coordinated effort in human history.  Owens instincts always kept him one step ahead of the traps set by interpol.  They also never knew his identity.  They only knew of a few of the objects he’d stolen and assumed it was the same thief.  

A heavy fog descended on the beautiful Japanese town and their view went away.  It was so thick that they could hardly see each other while sitting just a few feet apart.  Boothausen sighed.  “It’s been a long time since I sat in a cloud.  It’s romantic.”  She crinkled her brow and realized that her comment might be misconstrued.  “Um, I mean…”

Owens cut her off.  “I know what you meant, Ana, and it’s all good.  I’m technically seeing a gal from Romania, but obviously this job keeps us apart more than I’d like.”

“No shit?  You’ve got a girlfriend?”

“Technically yes, but I think she’s just using me for my body.”  The cold fog made his skin tingle and he shivered.  “She can use me all she wants.”

“What’s your cover story?”  Boothausen didn’t actually give a fuck about Owens’ personal life, but she knew she’d want to date somebody someday.  Being employed by Team Whiskey was the most fun she’d ever had, and she wasn’t about to give up the job anytime soon.  

“I told her I’m a secret agent for a group of military misfits who I’d die for and probably someday will.  She’s certain that I’m saying that to try and get her into bed, but she never kicks me out of her apartment.”  He grinned.  “She passes out hard after orgasming and I simply walk out without having to sneak out.”

“I didn’t need to hear that,” Boothausen joked, but she processed the story for her own future imaginary relationships.  “That’s cool, Owens.  I hope shit works out for you.”

“Things don’t work out for people like us, I fear.  I think we’re destined to do this job until we pay the ultimate price.  We can’t quit, spiritually speaking, cuz if we did, it’s all we’d think about until we got back in and did another mission.”  The cold was starting to soak into him and he shivered again.  “I’ve thought a lot about it.  I can’t quit.”  He took a deep breath of the humid air and exhaled heavily.  “It’s why I’m trying to hunt and fish as much as I possibly can because I know that it’ll all come crashing down with one well placed bullet.”

“Whoah.  Well that was dark.”

“Nah, just realistic.  Life is a series of moments.  Most of them are calm, some of them are intense, and a precious few are mind blowing, like sitting in a cloud right now.  Then one bad moment happens and that’s it.  I’m just trying to be present in every single one of them cuz I know when the party’s over, I don’t wanna regret that I checked out of really living, you know?”

Boothausen knew that Owens was the weirdest human she’d ever met, but her appreciation for his humanity hit an all new high.  “I like that, Owens.  I like that a lot.”  She reached out through the fog and touched his shoulder.  “I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too, Ana.”

Without hesitating anymore, she said, “I need to take a leak.  Wanna race to the bottom?”

She didn’t hear a reply as his shoulder disappeared from her hand.  Owens was already scurrying down the side of the building.  “Oh, fuck you!” she said with enthusiasm.  Even in the humid, slippery conditions, the two thieves could ascend or descend the walls as if they were tiny bumps on a flat road.

In the distance, some Japanese farmers with a stack of buckets that said “Green Tea” in both English and Japanese collected swamp water to sell to unsuspecting restaurant aficionados.